Me…In a Nutshell

You’d think being born into a biracial family, the odds were stacked against me. You’d think being born with the disease of alcoholism in the family, the odds were stacked against me. You’d think being born into a family with mental health disease, the odds were stacked against me. You’d think being born into a family with physical and emotional abuse, the odds were stacked against me. Well, you’d think right-they are. They always have been. The odds of what? Living my best life? Well, that was up to me.

I am a 42-year-old half black, half white woman with depression, anxiety, and I swear borderline personality disorder, displaying all the characteristics of an “Adult Child of an Alcoholic”. I’ve had a traumatising childhood, been trapped within codependency, endured  sexual harassment, and have suffered through a lot of loss and grief. I am also a mother of two beautiful children; Tyson 10 and Olivia 6, who have had and still have challenges in their little lives.

That is a lot. THIS is a lot. As me “Tara” It would be and still is very clear that I indeed will and do have issues. These are the facts. There is proof. The odds were stacked against me to be the best me that I could be. Yes, life or what you would call “living” was and has always been very challenging for me. Challenging, rewarding, challenging, rewarding; the cycle.

These are not writings of “look at what I’ve been through.” These will be and are writings (I hope to be) of: Look! Despite what I’ve been through; what I’ve learned; what I’ve gained; what I’ve accomplished; and most importantly who I’ve become and who I am still becoming. It never ends; gaining, growing, learning, accomplishing and of course all of the negatives too, not until the day you die.

Here I will hopefully find the lost brown eyed girl. Here hopefully I will find myself.

I will.

 

 

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